The Introduction
The night was
brisk and brimming with possibilities as I walked into a networking cocktail
hour with my business partner. It only
took about 20 minutes for me to catch the eye of a self-proclaimed, self-made
millionaire and business guru, Richard. Far
from attractive, and overtly awkward, it was hard to believe that his titles
were truly his. His attempts at being
charming were unnatural, but endearing.
I was intrigued to find out who he really was.
He was more
interested in asking me out than he was about extending his network……not very
business guru-ish. But I loved
challenges and I needed to know just how deep the delusion well went. By the end of the night, we exchanged
numbers, and I left the cocktail hour expected to never hear from the imitation
of a boss ever again in life.
Within two hours, I
was proven wrong. He was truly going to
ride this lie until the wheels fell off.
During our phone call (where it was evident that his confidence came from
not being face-to-face) he revealed that he was divorced. The only problem with his tale…..was the tale
itself. Being a divorcee, I knew within
seconds he knew nothing about proceedings, etc.
The amount of details he concocted for his tale added to the lack of
believability. Yet, I allowed his
fairytales to be told. He enjoyed the
ego stroking that accompanied the belief that he was outsmarting people.
Throughout the
conversation, I sprinkled hints of my actual knowledge about like fertilizers
to a lawn. He was so far gone into his
alternative reality that he missed my hints regarding his lies. Oh, well.
This will be fun as he attempts to prove to me that he could take me to
another level.
By the time I
ended the call and crawled into bed, we had a date set. Not a meeting. A date.
We shall see how tomorrow goes.
The First Date
The First Date
Around noon, my
phone rang and for the life of me I do not know why I answered it. Richard was supposed to call an hour ago for
my address, and he was playing the Steve Harvey game of dating with me. I guess he thought he delay was supposed to
make me want him more, all it did was show me that he was just experiencing at
40, what the world had in high school…..attention from the opposite sex.
The conversation
began with him telling me how he was having shoes custom made. Shoes from a designer that had not been hot
or expensive since 1992! Yet, I was going to play this game with him.
He asked if I
wanted him to come now or after he finished his day…which would be around
midnight. I chuckled to myself regarding
his juvenile attempt to seem uber busy and arrange a first date booty
call. Great way to start fool, make a
date you have no time for? Ok let’s checkmate this.
“Come now,” I told
him as I had NO intention to change or even get dolled up. I wanted, no, I needed to see just how much
bull shit would spew from his pie hole.
Although he
said he was 5 minutes away, it took him 20 minutes to arrive at my door.
“Don’t you look amazing?”
And so it has
begun. As I motioned for him to cross my threshold,
he was visibly disturbed that I had the house brimming with friends. I smiled slyly as I knew this round was
overtly mine. His intentions for me were
purely sexual; and as long as he pretended that they were not, the cookie jar
would remain under my control. Cookies
would be dispensed to him as crack is dispensed to an addict in rehab. Not often.
We sat and talked
for a short while. He looked about my
home as if he had never been in an upper middle class home before in his
life. But he still wanted me to believe
that he was a millionaire.
He must have
FINALLY sensed that I was far from impressed by his awkwardness, and claimed to
have a meeting to get to. I knew he had
to scurry home to his wife and kids….I saw the caller ID on his phone when it
rang. But he liked the game….I loved it. I walked him out to his buy-here-pay-here
lot, elderly luxury vehicle that he had been dying for me to see.
He gave me a hug
that a pubescent teen would give his adult crush and folded his husky body into
the car. I shook my head as he drove
away; and began a laughter ridden conversation with my friends. They knew just as well as I that he was a
fraud; and just like me, they wanted to know just how far he would remain down
the rabbit hole.
He was no ladies’
man…..but he wanted to be badly. He was
far from attractive…and it showed that he was jealous of men that were and that
took care of their bodies. He was filled
with issues, and I didn’t care. He was a
safe experiment….he was married. I didn’t
care. She knew who she married; and he
didn’t care because he talked poorly about her and was making a consorted
effort to impress the pants off of me.
Why no benefit? Why not make him pay to play? I wasn’t dating. I needed my own spice.
He just had no idea
that it was truly game on….and he was the ultimate underdog.
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